Whew!

We are home and settled in. Finally. The house is still a wreck but it feels good. I have never been so thankful for routine. I went running with my running group this morning for the first time in a long time. It was therapeutic. Thank you for all your well wishes, meals, prayers, and hugs. All of you are our support system and I don't know what I would do without you. We are finally coming up for air and it feels good.

Unbelievable

I have been through the dying process before with a couple of relatives. Obviously, the medical staff involved on my Dad's case has been through this before. And we all agree on one thing, this man is amazing. One week after we brought him home, the hospice doctor said he had less than 5 days she assumed. That was over 2 weeks ago. We have been in limbo ever since. We adjust our lives to compensate for what is happening. After nearly a month of mostly being away from our children, we came home yesterday. We spent 2 hours in town and left again, in an RV with our Jeep in tow. We have decided to set up shop in Chattanooga for a while. Brad and I discussed it, and while it seems like a crazy thing to do, we both agree we don't feel that we can be anywhere else right now. We had hoped to come back home and then come back to Chattanooga for the funeral, but realized that my Mom is likely to have a different emotional experience after Dad actually dies and we will need to be on hand to help make decisions. It is a very tense situation. Do we stay or do we go? There is no right answer. Everything else is coming second right now and I pray people will continue to be forgiving as they have been to this point. I pity anyone who cares for cancer patients and/or hospice patients. It is a tough job. Each time I decided to come home, Dad takes a major decline and then levels out. He is defying all odds. He has had no intake for 16 days, NONE! His respirations are beginning to decline as is his heart rate. Please God, help him let go. The hospice workers are looking to us for answers as to why he may be hanging on. Is there anyone who has not said goodbye? No (at least not now since we decided to bring the grandkids). Are there any issues he needs to work out? Yeah, plenty. But none we can help him with. We've already done all of what we can do. Is he right with God? How are we supposed to know that?! You think I am kidding. The social worker and others literally asked these and other questions. Who knows why he is hanging on still. The human spirit is an amazing thing. I think I am beginning to understand a little more about how Jesus survived fasting in the desert for 40 days. My Dad must be in some spiritual realm I am not the least bit familiar with. Whatever the case, we continue to pray he can release from this world soon.