Living

Well, we are in limbo right now. When we left the hospital with Dad they said it could be 2-4 weeks. We are starting our third this week. Dad is holding on for now. He has been in a cycle of decline followed by plateau. Right now, he is in a plateau and so Brad and I came home last night to try to spend the week with the girls and return on Friday. We want to have Halloween with our girls. Dad has lost the ability to talk or swallow now, so it will not be much longer. But, for what ever reason, he is still with us. It is bitter sweet. Tonight our house church is coming over to help me get control of my laundry and some other projects I've been wanting to get to this Fall but have not been able to. I am so thankful for our friends at house church. They exemplify what Christian community is supposed to be. I would not be making it through this time without them. If you are not part of a small group, I recommend you become part of one. We have been together for about 4 years living life together as a smaller group of a larger church. We depend on each other and we are not afraid to reach out to each other when needed. You have to be pretty close to a group of people to ask them to come fold your underwear. I love these families!! So, we are in Jonesboro for now. I feel like a jet setter. We will return to Chattanooga on Friday if not before and I will let you all know more at that time. Much love--

Today

Hey everyone! Things have stabilized a little here in Chattanooga. Dad has his days and nights mixed up. So he is working us really hard all night but not much during the day. Hm, feels like when my kids were newborns! Overall, he is doing well. He is glad to be home. He is still very cognizant when he is awake. He knows who we all are and can communicate with us. There are moments when his thoughts don't make sense, but overall he is still very engaged with us. I appreciate all the calls, prayers, and thoughts. You are all fueling me. I'll write more later when I have a better internet signal. Just wanted to check in.

Today

Whew! I am coming up for air. We made it home late yesterday afternoon. I spent all evening learning how to give pain medicine, how to move him safely, and a whole lot of other things you don't want to know about. But I just keeping thinking, he would do the same thing for me if he had to. I have somehow made it to survival mode. Early yesterday morning, the hospice nurse had a talk with me about how it is more difficult for someone to let go if they do not perceive they have permission to do so. I have pretty much been a basket case since I got here on Tuesday. Yesterday morning seems like a long time ago now. I can tell that everyone is praying because I have no other explanation for why I was suddenly able to turn off the tears and get prepared to care for him. It is surreal. The days are running together, so forgive me if my timeline gets off. Anyway, he is pretty alert. He has an incredible pain and medication tolerance. The man will not sleep! He nods off some but if I had as much medicine as he has, I would be out. He is not complaining of pain, though, and that is the main goal. He is using all his strength to hold on right now. The hospice nurse told us he might rally and we are not sure how long that will last, but he seems to have definitely rallied since coming home. He has an amazing view out of his bedroom window. I will try to post a picture of it sometime. You've no idea how amazing it is. They have a family of eagles that nest there every year. They came to visit today. He watched three of them flying right outside his window!!! The house is pretty high on a hill so he is right at their level. So much life all around him. Hm, seems ironic. I feel comfortable in saying that I have made my goodbye with him and now am able to focus on loving him as he prepares for the next phase. He still has a sense of humor. We call me "the bartender". We joke about his meds being his drink of choice! I have been showing him pictures of the girls. Technology is great. Brad's Dad has been emailing pics to my phone and I am able to show them to him. It is some of the only time he really lights up and smiles. If you don't know my Dad, his eyes are hauntingly blue and he just stares right through you with those eyes. All of his caregivers say the same thing about those eyes. I will probably remember those the most about his physical features. He has been able to talk to us about funeral arrangements and all the tedious things we don't want to have to decided without his input. What a blessing. Mom is doing really well. You will be proud to know, we are agreeing on everything! We make a pretty good team when we have to. There are so many things happening right now that I think, 'Oh I need to blog about that' but I can't recall them all. So, it will have to wait for later. If he remains stable over the weekend, we are going to try to arrage back up care for him. I have a cousin in town that is a nurse who is willing to sit with him. Others have volunteered but it will require someone with some medical training to be with him in case he becomes distressed. So, if we can work that out, I am going to come home on Tuesday and get organized and see my family. Then, I will come back out here as soon as needed. Thanks for all the prayers everyone. You will never know how much I appreciate it. You all know I am horrible with thank you notes, but I am deeply grateful. More later--

Tonight

It's been a long day. Dad has been in and out of sleep all day. He is resting right now but overall he is restless. When he is awake, he is hallucinating. He thinks he has been arrested for DUI and has been giving us phone numbers for bondsmen and lawyers all night. It's funny how people fall back on what is most familiar when they are dying. He knows law, that is what is comfortable to him right now. So, we have been making "phone calls" to try to get his "bond" set and get him "released". Please, God, get us home tomorrow. We need a change. We need to get settled somewhere besides the hospital. He is still pretty strong, He has been trying to get out of bed and walk away. But he is not strong enough to do it, thankfully. Anyway, just needed to get all this out. I'm not really sure how to process it all. The hospice nurse says we need to make sure to communicate to him that we are ready for him to go. She says our body language needs to reflect it as much as our words. I'm not sure I'm there yet. But I'm trying to be. I want it to be over for him. He has suffered long enough.

Update

Hey everyone. I know you've been wondering what's going on since I left town abruptly yesterday. Once I got to Chattanooga, I quickly got up to speed on the information. It looks like the doctors have decided not to pursue anymore treatment for Dad. They do not feel that he is capable of handling any more procedures. Basically, what he is experiencing now is complications with his radiation. The radiation treatment burned his esophagus so that nothing is able to pass to his stomach. Therefore, they have had to insert a feeding tube through his nose. They did not feel he could handle surgery to insert one into his abdomen. What this means is that his nutrition options are limited. We also found out through his hospital stay that the cancer is still active in him. Therefore, it is not prudent to continue to try to treat symptoms when the cause is untreatable. So, we are meeting with Hospice today to make plans to send Dad home. I had some great conversation with him yesterday. He was very alert, seems to know what is happening and is handling it much better than I am. I think my Mom called everyone East of the Mississippi to come now because Dad had visitors non-stop all day yesterday. He was exhausted by the end of the day. We don't know how much longer he will have. Hospice usually enters the scene when they expect a person to live no longer than 6 months. So we may have quite a bit of more time with him than I thought yesterday when I left town. However, much of the rest of our time is going to be under sedation. So I am thrilled that I came to have a few last good father-daughter talks! Thank you to all of you who have stepped in so many times to take care of my children and my family. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your emails and text messages. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Right now, you are my web. God Bless you. We continue to take it one day at a time. I will write more when I know more.

Cute

What more can I say!!??

Water

As most of you know by now, it was a disapointing day for Brad and me in Chicago on Sunday. We were two of the thousands who were diverted off the course at about mile 16.5. The word for the day was water. I guess I should say lack thereof. If you want highlights on everything that went wrong you can go to the Chicago Tribune website. Or you can catch Brad's play-by-play at www.fitshump.blogspot.com. There is a link on this blog. There has been outcry from many runners about the events that transpired. As for the Shumpert's, we came prepared, we slept well, ate well, prayed, and showed up ready to conquer our goal. At the end of the day, we learned a lot about what it really means to train for a marathon and that just when you think its all about running the race, sometimes its not. For instance, our experience was that there was no water at the very first two water stops. We knew we were in trouble and a pattern was developing. Since we are pretty resourceful, we found water in other ways. The generous citizens of Chicago came out in full force with ice, water in dixie cups, garden hoses, and encouragement. All the race participants around us were trying to get word back to the officials to "GET US SOME WATER" only to find out after it was all over with that the official public response was that "...there was no problem with fluid supplies" but rather that "...the runners should have been more prepared and that the runners were not only consuming the fluids but were also cooling themselves with them". Well, I don't know about the rest of the country, but that is what we runners here in the south always do. It's how we train. You have to cool yourself internally and externally to be able to hold up in the kind of conditions we train in. After all was said and done, Brad and I calmed ourselves down by being grateful that we were possibly rescued from a much worse fate and that the real goal achieved here was that we accomplished something together in the midst of full time jobs, 2 children, and my Dad's illness. We have grown closer as a couple and that is what is most important. We have some pretty good war stories to tell and we were part of history. We will put all the newpapers and Chicago Marathon parafanalia in a box and someday when our children ask about it, we will recall the day's events. But for now, it is time to lay it to rest and move on to the next race! That's the beauty of running, if you're lucky there's always next time!

Dedication

The nerves are building! We made it to Champaign, Il tonight. We had dinner and are now settled in our hotel. I think I'm glad we stopped here tonight because I remember the feeling of being in Chicago from the last time. Brad will know what I mean tomorrow. Once you're there, there's no turning back. The dream starts to become reality and all the energy is focussed on this one event and you are the center of attention for the weekend. This marathon is (I believe) the best attended marathon out there. I can't wait for the crowd support. When we first commited to doing the race, my parents were planning on coming with us. As I write tonight, Dad is in a hospital in Chattanooga and his future is even more uncertain than ever. It's been a bitter sweet day. In some ways I am glad they did not come because Dad needs to focus on himself right now and Mom needs to be there with him. I am lucky that they have already done this with me once before. Ironic, huh? This is something most people only aspire to do once and I was lucky enough to realize that dream and have my family there to realize it with me. I knew when I trained before that something divine was pushing me to run that race. I'm glad I did and I'm glad my family was there to partake with me. This time, the scenario is much different. From the time I decided to run this race, I knew it would be dedicated to my Dad and his illness. I was telling Brad today that I feel so helpless in the situation but it brings a lot of comfort to do what I can do. I can honor Dad's legacy by running my heart out for him. Brad has dedicated several miles to various people but I am dedicating the entire race to my Dad and Brad. Both of the men in my life have reached milestones this year. It is a miracle that my Dad survived to see Robyn born much less to see me run another marathon. I'm not sure how much longer we will have Dad with us, so I am grateful to be able to run for him in Chicago since he cannot. As for the other man in my life, Brad continues to amaze me with his commitment to health and weight. He is an inspiration to most, but even they have no idea the hurdles he has jumped. The man I love now is a more confident, more focussed, more intentional man. His life is full of purpose and joy that comes from inside. He has been the driving force this time for our training. His example has pushed me on when I did not think I could do this again. I'm glad we stuck with the training and I know we are going to have a great run. It will be a life defining moment to start and finish this race with the love of my life and my life partner! I'm so proud of both of the men in my life. They are fighters and heroes. Run on...

Friends

I am so excited that my good friends Joe and Laura Cebulski are almost ready to begin their journey into "greenism". They are embarking on a year long RV adventure and exploring the tenets of sustainable living. I have never met two people so adventurous. Brad and I are up there in terms of adventure, always looking for something new. But Joe and Laura work it into their very nature. They plan both financially and logistically to accomplish what they want. They live simply in order to be ready for the next adventure. I've been studying a lot about simplicity lately and realize more than ever that simplicity is a mindset, not a goal to be reached. I would not have a frame of reference for this if not for the influence of the Cebulskis over the last couple of years. It is so refreshing to know that simplicity has nothing to do with what I own, but rather how I choose to use what I own and how I perceive my possessions. More and more I realize that the only thing you can truly own in this life is friendships. Those are the only real lasting investments we make. We will see those people again on the other side of this life. Isn't that an amazing thing!!! I wish the Cebulskis the best and look forward to continuning conversations about sustainable living and putting back into the Earth. Maybe someday we will be as brave as they and will sell everything and go RVing! Two really cool people who I am thrilled to know! (and of course Rowan too!) If you would like to follow the Cebulskis on their journey you can find their blog at cebulskis.blogspot.com.