A Long Silence

It's finally over. Winter has passed and Spring has sprung! But that's not all that is emerging. It's been a long Winter for me. I've done a lot of soul searching over these last months. I feel like this whole last year has been a whirlwind I will never remember. While I am so happy for Brad and his new adventure of law school, I would be lying to say the move has not been hard. As things usually are, this year has been full of irony and change. I have had to take a long hard look at myself and ask what it is I should be doing and where do I fit in this picture.

For some time now, I have known that my future did not end with the Chamber of Commerce. That said, I have learned so much from my time here and it has given me an intimate portrayal of Little Rock that few people ever receive. I have dined at some of the best restaurants. I have spoken with some of the most intriguing people on Earth. I have watched new businesses being born. I have worked with some of the most influential politicians and business people in America. I have attended some of the most wonderful galas. And I have asked myself all along the way...is this what I was made for?

I know I am not the first or last person to struggle with this question. God has shown me that just when you are so certain of where you are headed, He will send you in another direction. That journey has not been pleasant. And yet, here I am today, revitalized by possibility I thought was behind me.

My last day with the Chamber will be Wednesday. I will then spend my days gathering paperwork and performing background checks and interviewing for jobs in middle school education. I know....I was surprised too. But when I stopped whining and started listening to God, he said to me 'I need you to do something only you can do'. Now, this doesn't mean that I think I am going to be able to perform the task of middle school teacher any better (in fact I will likely be much worse) than so many of the teachers currently teaching. But what I heard God say was, I made you for this and possibly something more later. I think God has been working on me for the last year to prepare me to make an impact with kids.

I was 13 when we lost my brother. Do you think that was a life defining moment? You bet. In fact, the years following that moment were some of the toughest years of my life. And not just because I was a teenager (that has enough drama by itself). I know that those middle school years define you as the person you will become as an adult. I know that so many kids that age are just looking for someone to listen to them and legitimize all of their raw emotions.

I know a lot of disenchanted teachers who are thinking I am an idealist. But anyone who knows me, knows I am anything but an idealist. I leave that up to Brad. I am the realist in our family. I know things will probably get much worse before they get better but I am up for the challenge. I will be returning to school to get my joint teaching license and masters degree. I can teach while I am getting my degree. I have requested that I be put where ever I am needed, but the Little Rock School District is my first choice. There will be plenty of at risk kids in that district.

For the first time in a while, I feel like I am moving forward. It has been about three years since I have felt this alive. I can't wait for the new adventure. And to all those nay sayers...keep it to yourself! I don't have blinders on but I do know God has an amazing plan in store for my students! Wish me luck....