Confessions

I like food. There I said it. No, correction, I love food. As hard as I try, I cannot seem to ingest only those calories necessary to sustain my life on this planet. This is not in the least an epiphony to me. I have known for quite some time that I am a food addict and have carried a burden of guilt (allbeit a low measure of guilt) about this addiction. At present, I have little motivation to seek help for my addiction. I maintain a healthy weight, I excercise, I try to be consientious about eating whole wheat bread. I even mildly follow Weight Watchers eating program online. Most days, I am diligent. But as I look at how little it takes for me to exist, I can't help but feel I am missing out on a vibrant life by not enjoying my sinful pleasures. For example, this morning my beloved husband got up early to fix cinnamon rolls. Not the generic kind. He knows I love the simple, Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls with Icing. I don't even require the Grands Cinnamon Rolls to be happy (see, there again, I am making an effort to be consientious. Yay me!). As I ascend the staircase in our house the smell wafts out of the kitchen to greet me. It is in these moments that I know I have an addiction. The smell throughout the house gives rise to an unexplainably deep emotional connection. It is hunger meets joy meets the feeling of love. A smile explodes on my face. Knowing he thought enough of me to make the rolls gives me peace and feels like home, like a child again.

I know I am not the only person to feel this way. My mother always said, 'I don't drink, I don't smoke, I'm at least entitled to overeat.' While I don't exactly concur with those sentiments, they ressonate on some level. There is a certain part of us that relates vibrant life to the meals we share as families and friends. And why should we deny ourselves this experience? I don't know about you, but I cannot enjoy dinner with my friends as much having a salad when they are having steak. As hard as I try, it is not within my being. So, what are the consequences? Well, I will need to run 5.8 miles to make up for the four rolls I enjoyed for breakfast. And that's just the first meal of the day!

All of this could be discouraging had I not had an epiphony of another sort today. When I got to work, my father-in-law sent me some picturs of my daughter at the zoo. Several of the photos were taken during the Seal show. As I took in the pictures, it ocurred to me that food is a motivator in all parts of nature. We are all conditioned to perform for food. For the Seals, its fish. Do you think Seals sit around and mope about how many fish they ate today and how it will affect their hips? Of course not. They are enjoying the show, flipping their feet in the air on command just to get another fish thrown their way. It's only natural for all of us to have an emotional connection to food and for it to be a motivating factor in our relationships. Why fight nature?? I am not suggesting glutteny here. But I am a little exhausted of feeling like every morsel of food should be analyzed against how it will affect my figure.

Maybe this confession has something to do with feeling more comfortable in my own skin. Although I will do my best to eat healthy things (when cinnamon rolls are not an option), I will not be ashamed for the emotional connection I have to these parts of life that make it vibrant and not just mediocre. That being said, I'm going to have to up my miles!