Refine

Many commodities on Earth have to undergo a refining process before they are pure products. Oil, milk, diamonds just to name a few. You know, people are no different. Part of being part of this life is undergoing a refining process. Brad always says we have a refining relationship where iron sharpens iron. Right now, I am going through another refining process with my Dad and I know I will be better for it on the other side of this. There is a Phillips, Craig, and Dean song that says 'let me find the blessing in the thorn'. I fear this will be a long refining process. I am grateful for the insight of this process that reminds me to notice other's pain around me. My prayers are weak right now because I feel overwhelmed but there is still a little light inside me that urges me to keep praying. I have to be honest and say that this is one of those times where my faith is waning. I struggle to understand, to control, to fix. But I can't. All I can do is try to see how this will help me help the next person. I am thankful that I am being refined because it means that my life is becoming more pure all the time and I can be more grateful for the pure joys this life has to offer. I have this great opportunity to focus on my children and embrace their youth and innocence. My Dad would not hear of me taking time away from them to be with him. His resignation to this disease is as disheartening as anything. But, once again, it is not within my control. I talked to Dad tonight and he sounded weak but he tries so hard to put on a good show. He perks up when he talks to Kiley. It breaks my heart. I have an opportunity with our new RV to create some real memories in my children's lives. I think if nothing else, I am purer in my wants than ever before. This situation with my Dad has me reflecting a lot on my childhood and I am comitted to making my girls' childhood memories a priority.