Back in Action

Okay, I've run out of one word phrases to use for titles. How boring anyway. I guess I was trying to be poetic, but I'll save that for a less public forum. Anyway, we have a lot going on in our life. Just when I think I can't handle anymore stress, I watch Jon and Kate plus 8 and think to myself...what a wonderful life I have. Well, Brad and I are going through a cleaning phase in our life. We have been on a journey that is much too detailed to relay here but one that has brought us to some big decisions. We have decided to sell our house and look for something smaller. You might say, big deal, people do that everyday. And you would be right. However, Brad and I are planners, analyzers, control freaks. We like being in our comfortable home that we love. But for the first time in a while, I can honestly say that God is asking me to take this leap of faith and do this. There are a lot of reasons for us to make a break from this home, but mostly I just can hear God telling me this is what we need to do. I trust that He has some big plans for us and I am thrilled to be asked to join His journey wherever He may take us. I feel alive again in this decision as I have not felt in most of my comfortable, suburban lifestyle of the last few years. I have definitely been depressed since my father's passing and have not wanted to share that here. Maybe in the future, but not yet. So, I haven't been writing. Sorry to all 3 of you who read my blog anyway. I am praying today that God will reveal His will for us quickly and make a way for that will. If any of you can help us out, let us know. Peace-

Ballet

Here are some recent pictures from Kiley's ballet "recital".









She has so much fun doing ballet. Who knew?! Her mother is such a tomboy that I have trouble understanding the appeal. But she loves it and that's what matters.

Pictures

I set up a Flickr account today but it appears that you can't upload photos from Flickr very easily from a Mac. So, I found a few that I can upload directly from my hard drive. Here they are:



This is Brad and me at Robyn's birthday get together.



This one is Robyn's Christmas picture.



This is Kiley's Christmas picture.

I couldn't get the girls to get together long enough to take a picture of both of them. So I took them separately and added some effects. I think they turned out okay.

Today I had one of those 'happy I'm a parent moments'. I asked Kiley what she wanted to be when she grows up and she replied, "A Mommy"! Whew, maybe I haven't scarred her for life too much yet!! I'll get the hang of this picture and Flickr thing and post some more as they become available. TTFN

For more pictures on Flickr click here

Christmas

What a blessing. Although it was a tough couple of days, it was wonderful to watch my children enjoying their new plastic play things. Robyn is standing and just on the brink of walking. It never gets old watching them grow and learn. We were blessed to get to stay home for Christmas. It took some doing, but my mother finally gave in to letting us come to Chattanooga after Christmas. So, we will be traveling there on Thursday. I think 2008 will bring a fresh wave of adventures to our clan. Brad and I are gearing up for the race season. We hope to do a half-marathon and a triathlon in the Spring. We are both working with a trainer right now and I am really enjoying that. Who knows, maybe we'll have a future in swimsuit modeling before long. I hear they make good money! Brad surprised me with a new camera for Christmas. I have always been interested in taking pictures but really want to develop it as a hobby. So, he got me a Cannon EOS Rebel XT. It is a SLR cameral with 8 megapxl capacity. If any of you can help me take really good pictures with it, please feel free to give me advice. I hope to start posting some pics here soon if I can learn all about Flickr and uploading and links. I am a littel behind the technological curve for where I need to be for excersising the full picture taking force of the Cannon. But I can learn! Take care and Happy New Year!

Routine

Thank God for routine. I thought I would be the last person on Earth to ever say that. It is funny what you come to appreciate in the absence of it. Christmas decorations are up and the house is festive again! What a blessing. The girls are getting excited about the big day. Robyn's birthday party is this weekend. I can't believe she is already a year old. What a year it has been. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. The older I get, the more humbled I am at the every day blessings being poured out to me and my family. All I can say is that this year has taught me to drink it up. My family is tired but we are grateful to be together this holiday season. There is a certain cathartic reality that hits you when you go through the holidays after a loss. Every gift you receive is laced with a unique sense of guilt and appreciation. Yet, it is in the giving and receiving this year that I realize that I am still very much alive and grateful to be so. I am grateful like never before to be giving. I enjoy the chaos of this moment and wish for it to drift by like the sweet smell of a vanilla candle. It just feels like I'm home. I think this is what dual Kingdom citizenship is about. And, of course, I don't mean the gifts themselves. I mean the exchange between friends and family. It is the simple pleasure of companionship and comraderie that I am enjoying this year. May we not lose sight of that part of the season. Peace and Joy.

Whew!

We are home and settled in. Finally. The house is still a wreck but it feels good. I have never been so thankful for routine. I went running with my running group this morning for the first time in a long time. It was therapeutic. Thank you for all your well wishes, meals, prayers, and hugs. All of you are our support system and I don't know what I would do without you. We are finally coming up for air and it feels good.

Unbelievable

I have been through the dying process before with a couple of relatives. Obviously, the medical staff involved on my Dad's case has been through this before. And we all agree on one thing, this man is amazing. One week after we brought him home, the hospice doctor said he had less than 5 days she assumed. That was over 2 weeks ago. We have been in limbo ever since. We adjust our lives to compensate for what is happening. After nearly a month of mostly being away from our children, we came home yesterday. We spent 2 hours in town and left again, in an RV with our Jeep in tow. We have decided to set up shop in Chattanooga for a while. Brad and I discussed it, and while it seems like a crazy thing to do, we both agree we don't feel that we can be anywhere else right now. We had hoped to come back home and then come back to Chattanooga for the funeral, but realized that my Mom is likely to have a different emotional experience after Dad actually dies and we will need to be on hand to help make decisions. It is a very tense situation. Do we stay or do we go? There is no right answer. Everything else is coming second right now and I pray people will continue to be forgiving as they have been to this point. I pity anyone who cares for cancer patients and/or hospice patients. It is a tough job. Each time I decided to come home, Dad takes a major decline and then levels out. He is defying all odds. He has had no intake for 16 days, NONE! His respirations are beginning to decline as is his heart rate. Please God, help him let go. The hospice workers are looking to us for answers as to why he may be hanging on. Is there anyone who has not said goodbye? No (at least not now since we decided to bring the grandkids). Are there any issues he needs to work out? Yeah, plenty. But none we can help him with. We've already done all of what we can do. Is he right with God? How are we supposed to know that?! You think I am kidding. The social worker and others literally asked these and other questions. Who knows why he is hanging on still. The human spirit is an amazing thing. I think I am beginning to understand a little more about how Jesus survived fasting in the desert for 40 days. My Dad must be in some spiritual realm I am not the least bit familiar with. Whatever the case, we continue to pray he can release from this world soon.